2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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