That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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