I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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