My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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