He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
