How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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