What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
