the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i believe in u and ur pee
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
