Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
handjob tips. give me some.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
