and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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