my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
