No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
