I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
