I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
