I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
