what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
