I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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