after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
