just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
