I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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