Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
dude. I can hear the air.
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