i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
