why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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