It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
