How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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