is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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