told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
