Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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