It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i now understand why vodka
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
