oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
