why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
