Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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