we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
