There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
