I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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