I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
