I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
