I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
