last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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