i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
