Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
