Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
