we have officially lost it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
