weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
