I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
