i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
