I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
