I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
