worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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