weddingsv make me drug and hornr
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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