i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
