So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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