am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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