apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
