Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
