My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
