Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think your dad took our porno
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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